UbuKristu okanye amaSilamsi? Ukhetho lomphefumlo okanye uninzi?

Uqala njani ibali lam? Ndiza kuqala ukususela ekuqalekeni ndikuxelele oko kwandinceda ukuba ndiwamukele ubuKristu iminyaka emihlanu eyadlulayo, nangona bekufuneka ndicinge ngentsingiselo yobomi, malunga nokuba ndingubani kwaye kutheni ndiza kweli hlabathi, yintoni umsebenzi wam kweli lizwe, ndaba yiminyaka emithathu ngaphambi kokuba Bhaptizwa. Kodwa masenze konke ukulandelelana.

Mhlawumbi, ezininzi izinto endinokukuxelela ngayo ibali lam, zibonakala zikhohlisayo, zenziwe. Nangona kunjalo, abo bakholwayo, ngubani ubuncinane kanye ebomini babo baye bajamelana nento enjalo, baya kundiqonda.

Ngoko ... ndakhulela kwintsapho epheleleyo kunye neziseko ezithile, izithethe, ezibekwe ngumqondo wesizwe (ndaza ndahlala eCaucasus, e-Ossetia). Umkhulu wamakhulu kunye nogogo kumgca obazali babecinga ukuba bangamaSulumane, nangona u-papa akazange azive ngale ndlela, wachaza le nto yokuba i-Islam yayithatha inxalenye yentsapho yethu. Asizange sinyamekele kule nkolo. Umama ungumKristu. Umbuzo wokuba ubhaptize abantwana (sinabantwana aba-4 kwintsapho), abazali bam, njengaye, abazange bavuke. Sekunjalo, ndingabhaptizwa, ngamanye amaxesha ndaya ecaweni, kwaye uyazi, ukuphuma kuwo, kwaba lula ngandlela-thile emphefumlweni. Ndacinga ukuba ndandithuthuzela, ndithuthuzela. Ndazama ukufumana impendulo kumbuzo othi "kutheni na?" Kutheni "kutheni?" Ndiya kuthiwa ngoku.

Ngexesha elithile, ndaqala ukuqaphela ukuba onke amaphupha ami aqala ukuzaliseka ... kanye njengoko ndabona! Kwaye konke bekungekho nto, kodwa kuphela amaphupha ayingozi: nokuba izingozi okanye ukubulala (ngegama, ukufa kwakusoloko kukho). Oku kwenzekile kungekuphela kubantu endibaziyo, kodwa nakwabantu endibaziyo andizange ndibabone ebomini bam. Ucela, kwaye ndifumene kuphi na ngala bantu, into endiyibonayo ephupheni yazaliseka? Oku kwakushicilelwe kumaphephandaba, okanye kusasazwa kwirediyo, okanye kuboniswe kwiTV. Awukwazi ukucinga ukuba luhlobo luni loxinzelelo lwangam . Njalo xa ndivuka ndaza ndathandaza kuThixo ukuba iyayeka. Kodwa ndabona lamaphupha ekupheleni.

Emva kwesikhashana, mna, ndathi, ndiyeka ukuwabona. Kodwa ... ndaqala ukuqaphela izinto ezingaqhelekanga. Ngo-2003, umhlobo osondeleyo wafa (ngokuchanekileyo, wabulawa). Ngaloo mini ndafika ekhaya labo ndamlinda egumbini lakhe. Xa bandixelele ukuba bayimlethile, ndaphuma ngena kwikorori ndaza ndahlala emnyango, ndixhomekeke eludongeni. Xa eqhutywe eselula, ibhabhathane elikhulu liphuma kuye, lihle, libala ngombala, kunye namaphiko e-2 amabala amnyama amakhulu (ndade ndicinga ngethuba lokuba libukeka kangangoko amehlo). Le bhathaneli, elidlulayo elidlulileyo, lathintela ebunzini lam, lahlala phantsi kwinqanaba lelo lugumbi. Ngaloo mzuzu ugogo ondala wandibiza. Wandibuza: "Ungubani na kuye?" Ndaphendula ukuba sasingabangani. Ugogo wathi: "Hayi, mzalwana, oku kungaphezulu kobuhlobo. Wayemthanda kakhulu kuye, ekubeni umphefumlo wakhe wabuyela kuwe "(rhoqo xa ndikhumbula amazwi akhe, iinyembezi zikhupha emehlweni am kwaye zigubungele emzimbeni wam). Emva koko amantombazana ayemi kufuphi nam, wandibhoxa waza wabuza: "Ubani na othetha naye?" Ndathi kubo: "Nantsi lo ugogo." Xa mna, ukuguqula la magama, ndabuya ukumbonisa, akukho mntu apho. Andizange ndiyifumane. Kwaye amantombazana awazange ambone. Ndixelele, yintoni na loo nto?

Enye into endiyibonayo xa ndifake isikhumbuzo. Ndaya kuye, ndancika intloko yam ngasekupheleni kwesikhumbuzo waza ndaqala ukukhala. Iinyembezi zaqala ukubonakala ngaphesheya kwesikhumbuzo, kwaye ngokukhawuleza xa ndidibekile, zanyamalala, ngokungathi zingekho. Kodwa nangona ke ndandisuka kude ndicinga ukuba kwakungekho into engaqhelekanga ukuba akuzange kwenzeke. Ndacinga ukuba kwakubangelwa intlungu, ukusuka ekugqibeleni okwasala kum emva kokuhamba kwakhe.

Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa kamva umama wandibiza kwaye wakhala ngokukhawuleza wathi umntu wayemanga ubuso bakhe kwisikhumbuzo, kwaye into eyodwa ayengazange ayigqithise amanqaku avela kwi- lipstick ngasemva emva koko ayizange incede. Nangona, uthi, yenza ilungiselelo elitsha. Ngentsasa elandelayo ndaya emangcwabeni ukuze ndibone ukuba zeziphi iindawo. Kwakushushu. Ilanga lalikhanya. Ndahlala ngasecaleni lesikhumbuzo, ndachukumisa ubuso bakhe ngobuso bakhe, yaye iinyembezi zaphuma zam emehlweni. Ngaloo mzuzu ndabona unina waza wuleza ukusula iinyembezi ebusweni bakhe. Xa efika kum, wangqongqa waza wandibuza ukuba ndikwazi njani ukucima loo mabala! Andizange ndibone nendlela abaye balala ngayo. Impendulo yam: "Iinyembezi."

Ngelo xesha ndiqala ukucinga ngento yokuba akuyona into elula ebomini, ukuba ngamnye wethu unempumelelo yakhe, umthwalo wakhe ebomini. Kodwa kwakhona, umbuzo wenkolo awuzange uvele ekhanda lam kude kube yilapho uYesu eza kum ephupheni. Wehla evela esibhakabhakeni kum, emacaleni omabili kuthiwa emithi emide, yayihle kakhulu apho. UYesu wandibuza ukuba ndisindise intombi yakhe ngokundixelela ukuba ungaphi. Wandikelela waza wanyamalala esibhakabhakeni. Ndayigcwalisa isicelo sakhe (ndiyakhumbula ngokucacileyo le ntombazana, eneminyaka eli-14 ubudala, neenwele ezimnyama). Wayesezibilini zam, ndazama ngokukhawuleza ukuba ndiphinde ndabuye kwindawo efanayo apho sambona khona. Ndiyakhumbula ukuba amadoda angama-3 ngandlela-thile inokwenzeka ukuba andithinte ukuba ndihambe, ndaqonda ukuba babengendawo, bengakholwayo, babemnyama bonke, babungekho ubuso. Kodwa mna ke ndawela kuloo grove. UYesu wayephinde uphambi kwam, kwaye ndamxelela ukuba ndenze oko Wandibuza ukuba ndiyenze. Ndandibona isithunzi sazo 3 emva kwam. UYesu wathabatha izandla zam, wabonga, wambusisa, waphakamisa isandla sakhe phezu kwesandla sam sokunene. Emva koko waphinda walala. Xa ndavuka, umbuzo wokuqala owawuvela entlokweni yam "Yinjani intombi? Wayengenabantwana? "Emva koko emva kwexesha elide ndivuka ndiyazi ukuba sonke singabantwana Bakhe kwaye le ntombazana (intombi yakhe) ingomnye wethu! Kodwa into emangalisayo kum kukuba kukuba esandleni sam sokunene, esandichukumisayo, wayandikelela, kwakukho uphawu. Ndinezaziso zokuzalwa apho , kwaye kubonakala uphawu olukhanyayo kuyo (andisayiqondi into ithetha ngayo, ingaba yileta, okanye enye into?)

Emva kwaloo phupha, ndaqala ukucinga ngokubhaptizwa, malunga nokuba uYesu weza kum uphupha. Nangona kunjalo, iingcamango zam zaqhubeka zicinga nje kuphela emva komhla omnye, emva kweminyaka engama-2-3, andingaqondi ukuba ixesha lifikile. Kwaye kwakunobungqina. Ndacela umama wam ukuba afunde ebandleni ngokubhaptizwa kwam. UBawo uthe ndiya kufuna ukuza lo mhla! Liliphi imini? 08/08/08! Uphawu lobuncinci ... Abaninzi, ngokuqinisekileyo, baya kuthetha ukuba ndiyakhathazeka ngako konke oku. Sekuyiminyaka emihlanu ukususela xa ndibhaptizwa. Andiyi kuthetha ukuba ndivame ukutyelela icawa, ndithandaza (kuyacaca ukuba akukho nto iqhayisa ngayo apha).

Kodwa ke, ndiloyika, ndiqala ukukhangela inkolo yam ...

Ngexesha elidlulileyo (mhlawumbi iinyanga ezili-3-4), ndandithanda kakhulu kwi-Islam. Kutheni ndibe ngamkela ubuKristu, kungekhona i-Islam? Ngelo xesha, ndandiyibona into engalunganga, ngenye indlela ephosakeleyo ngombono wama-Islam, njengabantu abaninzi. Ngoku ndiyazi kakuhle! Kwaye ngoko e-Russia, ngesizathu esithile, kwakuhlala kusekho ubuKristu obuye kwaqatshelwa, kwaye i-Islam yayiphathwa kwaye iyakhathazeka kakhulu (nangona le ngcamango ephosakeleyo !!!) Ngoko ke andinayo into yokuba unqulo lunikele kuyo. Ngoko, ndandinomdla kule nkolo - i-Islam. Ndaqala ukufunda iKoran kwaye uyazi ngakumbi i-Sur ndiyifunde, ngakumbi ndaqala ukuvumelana nezibhalo ezithunyelwe kuthi, kwaye ukuqonda ukuba oku kuYI nyaniso! Ndandibukela ezininzi iividiyo apho abantu bathetha ngesizathu sokuba bathathe amaSilamsi, nto leyo eyabangela ukuba benze njalo, ndafunda amabali amaninzi ngawo. Olu hlobo lomzamo wokuziqonda wena, umdla wakho kule nkolo. Ngaba umntu unokuziva efana nam? Ibanga likabanye liza kundinceda ndifumane impendulo yalo mbuzo.

Kukho esinye isizathu sokuba ndinomdla kwi-Islam. NgoMeyi, ndadibana nendoda kwidlulileyo. Iminyaka eyi-10 eyadlulayo, sidibana, kodwa ngenxa yokudibanisa kweemeko ezithile, ngokukhawuleza waya ezweni lakubo - e-Chechnya (ewe, njengoko sele uqondayo, ungumTrkey, oku kuthetha ukuba ungumSilamsi). Uyazi, ngoku sele iinyanga ezintathu ukususela kunye, kwaye imihla yonke ndiyabulela uThixo ngaye. Lo nyaka, uThixo uzimisele, siya kutshata. Nangona kunjalo, kuya kuba neengxaki. Okokuqala, ndifuna ukusho uShadhad (yamkela i-Islam). Kwaye andiyikwantyi, kodwa ingcinga yokuba, ukuba andinakukwazi ukuyilawula, ndiya kudibanisa into, ndiyibale? Lo mbuzo kufuneka uhanjiswe nawo wonke uxanduva! Ewe, ndiya kwenza konke okusemandleni ukuze ndiphumelele oku kwaye ndikhusele iip punctures. Okwesibini, ndixhalabele indlela intsapho yam iya kwamkela ngayo! Andikho umSilamsi! Ewe, ndicinga ukuba ndiyamkela amaSilamsi, kodwa ke ndiyazi kangako malunga nalo, indlela yokuziphatha nabo, yintoni enokuyenza? Ngokuqinisekileyo ndiyesaba kakhulu. Ngakumbi, into yokuba ndineminyaka engama-4 ubudala. Ndinexhala lokuba abayi kwamkela, kodwa andiyi kuba phakathi kwakhe nentsapho yakhe. Andifuni ukuba bachithe ubudlelwane ngenxa yam, kuba akukho nto isondeleyo kunentsapho. Uyancwina, uthi baya kuqonda kwaye bamkele ukuba uya kundinceda, ndixelele indlela kwaye yintoni, ukuba uyandithanda yonke le minyaka eyi-10, kwaye ukuzama kwakhe ukudala intsapho akuphumelelanga. Kukho umtshato omnye emva kwamagxa akhe. Baye baqhawula umtshato ixesha elide, kodwa hayi, ayenjalo, kuba banabantwana aba-2. Andizi abantwana ngabanye, kodwa uyazi, kubonakala ngathi ndiyabathanda. Kwaye andinakuyithanda njani abantwana bomntu endiziveleleyo, endifuna ukuba ndibophe ubomi bam, ndidale intsapho eqinile, ibe nabantwana? Okwesithathu, ewe, ndixhalabele malunga nokuphendula kwabazali bam: Ndiza kutshata neChechen, kwaye ndiya kwamkela i-Islam? Ndiqinisekile ukuba intloko yam ayiyi kuphandwa! Ndicinga ukuba kuya kufuneka ndiphulaphule. Owu, Mama ... Ndize nditsho nto, andixeleli nabani na ngaphandle koodadewethu (wayemangaliswe ngumntu, kodwa, njengaye, wandixhasa, wathi ndikhethile, kwaye ukuba ndiqinisekile, Unami). Ngokusithanda kwethu, naye akacwangcisi ukuhlala e-Chechnya. Uhlala eMoscow malunga nemibini emibini ngoku.

Ngokuqhelekileyo, ezi ngcinga kunye nokwesaba, ndenza ubomi bunzima kum. Kodwa ungacingi ngako, ngelishwa, andinako. Mhlawumbi umntu unomxholo ofanayo kwaye undixelele, sinjani isisombululo esinokufumaneka kule meko?

Ndiza kubuya kwesizathu sokuba ndibhale konke oku. Ngoko, ndibhaptizwa, kodwa ndibaninzi ukungabaza malunga nokuba ngaba ndenze okulungileyo ngokuwamkela ubuKrestu, ndingazange ndikhawuleze, kuba enyanisweni, ndiyazi into encinane ngale nqulo kuze kube namhlanje, kwaye, ngokungafani namaSilamsi, ubuKristu Andizange ndinomdla kakhulu (Andifuni ukucaphukisa nabani ngamagama! Ndiyabahlonela zonke iinkonzo, zivele zibuKristu, ezinye zi-Islam, ezinye zibuBuddhism, njalo njalo). Ngaba ukutholwa kwesinye inkolo kungeke kutyalwe kum? Kungekudala, iiveki ezidlulileyo, ndandifuna ukuya eGrozny ndiya kwiMosque, kwakukho iingcamango zokwamkela i-Islam. Kodwa andifuni, njengokuba ke, ndingayazi nantoni na malunga nalo kholo, ukuba ndiyamkele. Le nyathelo elibi kakhulu! Lo mbandela kufuneka uhanjiswe ngokucinganayo, ngaphandle kokukhawuleza. Umhlobo wam undicebisa ukuba ndihambe kwi-Mosque yethu. Uthi ndiya kuqonda ngokukhawuleza ukuba ingaba yam okanye akunjalo. Kuphela ngovakalelwa ngolu moya, kuya kubakho ukufumana izigqibo ezithile. Ndicinga ukuba incoko noMilla inokucacisa kakhulu kum, kuba ngoku ndifumana imibuzo emininzi yam ngaphezu kweempendulo. Kodwa nantsi i-snag: ngaba baya kundivumela ukuba ndihambe-umKristu apho? Umhlobo uthi akukho ziingxaki ngale nto, yena ngokwakhe waya khona okokuqala, engenguMuslim. Kwi-Intanethi, othi, uya kukhutshwa, obhala ukuba akavumelekanga kwiiMoshelms ukungena eMosque. Ngokuqhelekileyo, andisayi kuqonda, unako okanye awukwazi. Ndiyathemba ukuba omnye wenu uya kuphazamisa ukungathandabuzeki kwam.

Ndifuna ukubuyela kwakhona kumbuzo wesimo sengqondo yabantu abaninzi kwi-Islam kwaye ndifisa ukuba batshintshe ingcamango yabo engalunganga. Njengoko ndenze. Nangona ndingazange ndibe ngumchasi wale nqulo. Awukwazi ukugweba nayiphi na yomntu, ngelanga, ngokuqhelekileyo, amagama aphikisayo, amabali. Kulowo nalowo wethu uThixo unikwe intloko yokucinga, amehlo okubona, indlebe zokuva! Akufuneki ukuba wenze izigqibo ngokukhawuleza ngaphandle kokwazi okoqobo! Ngommeli ngamnye waloo okanye olunye uhlanga, umntu akanako ukugweba yonke into! Kuyafana nenkolo! Abo bazibetha esifubeni baza babiza amaSulumane, kwaye baxeshanye bajoyina amaqela ahlukeneyo kwaye babulala abantu (njengoko sele uqondayo, sithetha ngeentlanga), kunye nekhulu lazo zazingekho! KwiKoran akukho lizwi-isimemo sokubulala, ukuchithwa kwegazi kunye neemfazwe! Esi sibhalo sithetha kuphela ukulunga, uthando, ukunyamezelana komnye nomnye, imfesane kunye nokuncedana! Andibizi nabani na ukuba benze nantoni na, kwaye nangaphezulu kunjalo, kodwa ndiya kukucebisa ubuncinane ngaphandle komdla, inzululwazi elula (kungakhathaliseki ukuba kukhwaza kangakanani) ukufunda iKoran. Uya kuqonda yonke into emva koko. Ubungakanani obuhle, umyalelo kunye nolwazi esi sibhalo esithwalayo . Uya kufumana iimpendulo ezininzi, ukuba awunabo bonke, imibuzo yakho. Ngokuqinisekileyo!

Mna mna, andiyazi ukuba ixesha lam liya kuza kwaye ndiza kuthiwa nguShahad (ndiya kwamkela i-Islam), kodwa kubonakala ngathi ndisekufutshane nale nto. Kuthatha ixesha elincinane ukuba uqonde ukuqonda le nqulo kwaye uzithathele yona, ukufumana iimpendulo ezingekhoyo ukuqokelela yonke le mosaic de kube sekupheleni. Ndiyakholwa ukuba ndiya kuphumelela!

Ngamana uThixo unokusinceda sonke!