Ukuqokelela indebe ephukile okanye indlela yokwakha ubudlelwane nomyeni wakhe

Kwintsapho nganye kunokubakho iingxaki zokuqonda. Le yenkqubo eqhelekileyo. Kunoko, zenza ukuba ubudlelwane obuhle bungabonakali. Emva koko, akukho bantu abafezekileyo, oko kuthetha ukuba loo ntsapho i-idyll, eqinisweni, iyakwazi ukudlala ngokugqithiseleyo njengendoda. Ngaba ngabadlali abathintekayo kuphela emva kokuba umsebenzi ungaphuli iintliziyo kunye neengxaki zengqondo. Ukuba ebomini bakho kunye nobomi bakho obathandayo kwakukho ukungqubana, musa ukuphelelwa lithemba. Kungcono ukuhlaziya ngokuzenzekelayo imeko kwaye uphendule ngokunyanisekileyo kumbuzo: indlela yokuseka ubudlelwane nomyeni wakhe nokuba ngaba kufanele kwenziwe nantoni na?

Ixesha lesithando kunye nothando, iinyanga ezivuyayo zihlala kunye, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha nangeminyaka, zifihla ngempumelelo iimpazamo zomntu othandekayo. Okokuthi, ngokuqinisekileyo siyaqaphela ukuba umyeni unesizotha okanye uthanda ukuthenga emva kwexesha elithile kunye neenkampani ezingabonakaliyo, kodwa ingqondo ephoqelekileyo yengqondo iyakhawuleza: uyindoda yangempela, okanye ungumphefumlo wenkampani. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, ezi "zigugu" ziba zifezeko ezibonakalayo, zibonakala zibonakala ngakumbi, ziqala ukubangela ukucaphukisa, okuyiyona nto ibonakalisa intsingiselo yentsapho. Ukuba iimpazamo zeqabane lakho zize zithengeleke kuwe, cinga: mhlawumbi kulungele ukuthatha ikhefu kunye nokuhlalutya imeko evelele.

Kodwa ukuba ulwalamano olubi nomyeni wakhe lubangelwa, kunoko, ngenxa yengxubusho yasekhaya, ukukhathala ngokubanzi okanye ukungabi nendawo yokuzibandakanya, kunye nokugcinwa kwabo kuxhomekeke kubini bobabili. Kule meko, izazi zengqondo zicebisa ukuba banike ingqwalasela kunye nexesha elinokwenzeka. Kwaye, akukwazi ukuhamba kuphela okanye ukuya kwindawo yokutyela okanye kwindawo yokudlala. Naluphi na ukuncoma okuthabisayo, ukumomotheka okanye ukuthintela isinyathelo sokuqala sokuqonda.

Ukuze uqonde indlela yokuseka ubudlelwane nomyeni wakhe, uvavanyo olulandelayo lwezengqondo luya kuba luncedo . Ukwahlula iphepha kwiphepha elingu-2, kwikholamu ye-1-st kufuneka ufake ezo zimpawu zeqabane lakho olimemayo, kwaye kwesibili - abo bangathanda ukutshintsha. Intanda yakho makenze okufanayo. Ukuba inxalenye "enhle" inamanqaku amaninzi, ngoko akukho nkxalabo eninzi - enye enye inkathazo encinci onokuyitshintsha. Ukunyamezela, iimvakalelo ezintle kunye nokubonakala okutsha kuya kunceda kwimiba enzima. Kodwa ukuba inxalenye "engafanelekanga" inokukhokela - lo ngumqondiso we-alamu, obonisa ukuba intsapho yakho ineengxaki ezinzulu.

Indlela yokuseka ubudlelwane nomyeni wakhe kwimeko enzima kangaka? Unokuzama ukunxibelelana nengcali yeengqondo, kodwa khumbula ukuba wena kunye nomlingane wakho unokusombulula iingxaki zabo zangaphakathi. Okokuqala, funda ukuthetha ulwimi olufanayo. Cinga ngohlobo luni lokuziphatha ozikhethayo kwingxoxo eqhelekileyo kunye nomthandayo. Mhlawumbi, uhlala usebenzisa umfanekiso womzali okanye umntwana, kwaye iqabane lakho lizama ukujongana nawe kumgangatho ohlukileyo. Kodwa ekunxibelelaneni ngempumelelo , ubuncinane "igama" elifanayo kunye neengcamango ezifanayo ezifunekayo. Oku ngakumbi kule nto ungafunda kwimisebenzi ye-American psychotherapist u-Eric Bern.

Okwesibini, kufuneka uhlanganyele kunye neqabane lakho ngeengcinga zakho malunga noko ungakuthandiyo. Kodwa kufuneka uvakalise amabango akho ngokuchanekileyo, ngaphandle kwemizwa engafanelekanga. Emva kwakho konke, umgomo wakho kukuqonda indlela yokuseka ubudlelwane nomyeni wakho, kwaye ungabhubhisi enye into. Ngako oko, zama ukubuyisela ukuzithemba ngokuzithobayo, uzama ukubheka ingxabano "evela ngaphandle" kwaye ufumane ngokwaneleyo ukugxekwa kwidilesi yakho.

Ngaphambi kokuba uphendule umbuzo: indlela yokugcina ubudlelwane nomyeni wakhe, cinga-kutheni ufuna ngokwenene. Izinketho: ngenxa yabantwana, ukuze bangahlali bodwa, kungekhona ukutshabalalisa intsapho, ukuba ilungu eliqhelekileyo uluntu-alwamkelekanga. Kukho impendulo eyodwa kuphela echanileyo, kwaye ivakale ngathi: Ndiyamthanda kwaye ndiyamhlonela umlingane wam, silungele ukunqoba zonke iingxaki kunye, kuba ukuvakalelwa kwethu kubalulekile.